Yes, I know this isn't a movie. Embrace my spontaneity, people! I'm not known for staying on-topic. Or contributing. [Or having good taste in sci-fi for that matter. -MW]
[Perhaps, however, I make up for it with impeccable taste in every other aspect of my life-especially music. -- JS]
Part I:
Overall, this light-hearted, family-oriented romp was mildly entertaining. TV-budget production values were far lower than the feature films of the same ilk, as expected.
For instance, most of the prosthetic appliances were of the lame stick-on-the-surface variety, giving the impression that the cyborg was somehow grossly misshapen from birth to some careless thalidomide-taking, crack-smoking, unwed mother.
However, the old "gun-hidden-in-the-Terminator's-leg" gag was well-done (albeit an obvious rip-off of Robocop - if he wore boxers composed entirely of raw hamburger). [Mmm...raw hamburger. -MW]
Lena Headey evoked a convincing-enough Sarah Conner "nutjob" persona, and the set of her jaw/cut of her jib allowed you to suspend your mild disappointment that Linda Hamilton was too busy with her skyrocketing career to reprise the role.
The Terminator was not nearly menacing enough. First off, he didn't have the build to pull it off, although perhaps they were going for a cross between the T-800 model (Arnie) and the T-2000 (Robert Patrick). Secondly, they actually thought it would be a good idea to use him to introduce expository dialog! The last thing I wanted to hear was this cold, relentless killing machine musing aloud about why he wouldn't snap Sarah's neck (which was B.S., btw. John would be much easier to terminate without Sarah in the picture, as any nicely-equipped graphing calculator could deduce. So much for the computing powerhouse that is Skynet...).
[And why was this terminator not of the T-2000 "liquid metal" variety? I suppose you could come up with some lame backstory about how that Miles guy died and it caused a "butterfly effect" where the liquid metal flavor of killbot wasn't invented -- but a) this is stupid and b) any time you rely on your fan-base coming up with justifications for story line flaws, you need to bite down on the cyanide pill. -MW]
Part 2
The creators are apparently operating under the illusion that even a small kitten coming up the stairs would be sufficiently menacing just so long as they play the ominous "Terminator closing in" music in conjunction. Convincing Terminator behavior is all about demonstrating the poise that comes from unwavering, efficient execution of a (literally) calculated will. The show's performers approach this at times, but never quite nail it. When the Terminator ducks and rolls under a railing, he should not grunt and stagger from the exertion as he rises on the other side. He doesn't flag from aerobic exhaustion or lactic acid buildup when he runs. Sure, it would be physically demanding to act these scenes, but a few careful takes/splices would have maintained the reality they were trying to create.
Re. Summer Glau, I liked two aspects of her performance:
1. Emulation of the gangster chick leaning on the hood of the pickup truck was good.
2. Unconscious toss out the 2nd floor window without sustaining damage then rebooting as if nothing happened; also nicely done.
[And 3. Joss Whedon wasn't writing her dialogue. (That's right! Flame away Whedonphile Fanboys!) -MW]
Running a finger across John to get all his vital statistics? Preposterous! [Warning! Extreme nerd reference ahead! - MW] Did Star Trek's Mr. Data undergo some sort of gender reassignment procedure, then slingshot around the sun (yet again) to join us just in time for this episode? She's a cyborg, she's ensconced in velvety flesh. ["Velvety"?!? -MW] No such capabilities should be possible. But then suddenly she's bereft of abilities the minute somebody asks a favor of her. The less advanced enemy Terminator could see through her flesh sufficiently to switch to "evade mode" but this cyborg, who one moment can read discrete biometric data at the touch of a finger, can't run a simple CAT scan for Sarah? Contradictory, my friends (and mean-spirited).
The biker's head on the Terminator body was the final straw. While I've traditionally been one to celebrate gore for the sake of gore, the line has to be drawn here. The (here come four of my favorite words strung together for the first time ever!) decapitated cyborg battle-chassis [Well done! -MW], independent of its processor, can apparently operate sufficiently well to kill. Then, after what we will assume is a period of some contemplation, it somehow reasons that it needs a head (and not just any head, but one that was cloaked with a helmet) to escape attention. So why did Skynet bother installing the actual robot head up there in the first place? It's seemingly dead weight. I guess the psychological factor imparted by the glowing eyes would be missed. This is weak.
Are the Terminators like dinosaurs, with redundant processors in their spinal-trunk signal relay hubs? (I just made that up. Fanboys: feel free to use this to explain away this awful scene) How did the head power itself in order to issue the beckon call to the body? Do they have onboard running power sources in every part of their body, akin to WWII GIs with a pair of glasses in every pocket? Are their components infused with such power, that, a la The Iron Giant, every part of a destroyed Terminator will inch back toward the head in a bid for reconstruction? Despite it being a "Tier-one" technology, when have the Terminators ever exhibited any knowledge of radio waves, for that matter? To breach convention in such a cavalier manner constitutes nothing less than an inexcusable lapse in directorial judgement, and amply demonstrates a bankruptcy of ideas in the Warner Bros./C2-Pictures' creative department.
All this being said, I will gladly plow through crowds of little old ladies and Kindergartners in my rush to get back to the house by nine next Monday evening. Must... get fresh dose... of lame sci-fi!
[A couple independent comments about this series:
I liked where John goes into the computer store in the second episode and searches for himself on the demo laptop that's connected to the huge display behind him. That was amusing. And the address on the store--1337, an obvious nod to "h4x0r"-speak for "elite"--was a nice touch. --MW]]
[That stands in stark contrast to Lucas pasting 1138 everywhere, which is "h4x0r"-speak for "elleb". -- JS]
[This show needs more references to Futurama. Tell me you wouldn't enjoy Summer Glau referring to her companions as "meat sacks". Comic gold, boys. Comic gold.
--MW]
[Agreed - if Sarah can call the Terminator "Tin Man", it wouldn't be inappropriate for her to shoot back "Skin Tube", "Pork Pouch", or "Sausage Link" in kind. -- JS]
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